It Was Never About You

One of the biggest mistakes you can make in negotiation—or in life—is taking things personally.

You make a proposal and someone pushes back. You suggest an idea and it’s met with resistance. It’s easy to interpret that as opposition, even hostility. But here’s the truth:

They’re not against you. They’re just for themselves.

Every person operates with a unique set of priorities, fears, and desires. Their behavior isn’t about you. It’s about them.

They’re not waking up thinking about how to block your success—they’re focused on securing theirs. When someone says “no” or hesitates, it’s not a personal attack. It’s a reflection of their internal world: their goals, constraints, uncertainties, and incentives.

And this is why some of the most powerful tools in communication—Curiosity, Empathy, and Labeling — work so well. They shift the focus away from your ego and toward understanding the other person’s reality.

Let’s break them down:

Curiosity

Instead of reacting defensively to resistance, get curious. Ask: What’s driving their concern? What outcome are they really after?

Curiosity opens the door to insight. It shows the other person that you’re not just trying to win—you’re trying to understand.

Empathy

Empathy doesn’t mean agreeing. It means recognizing the emotions behind someone’s actions.

It’s saying: I see you. I hear you. I get why this matters to you. And when people feel seen, they become less guarded and more open.

Labeling

Labeling is naming the emotion behind the words: “It sounds like you’re feeling uncertain about how this will roll out.” “It seems like timing is a big concern for you.”

This builds trust. It shows you’re not just hearing words—you’re understanding emotion.

And here’s the magic: When people feel understood, they lower their defenses. They stop trying to protect their position and start exploring solutions.

The Shift

The moment you stop making it about you, everything changes.

You listen better. You speak with more clarity. You diffuse tension. You gain trust. And most importantly, you move things forward—not by pushing harder, but by connecting deeper.

So next time someone pushes back, don’t take it personally. Instead, remember: It was never about you.

It was about them. And the sooner you understand that, the more powerful and effective you’ll become in every conversation.

The most important thing

You have to mean what you say. You have to be genuinely curious, empathetic, and willing to label emotions. This isn’t a tactic; it’s a mindset.

When you approach negotiation with this mindset, you’ll find that the conversations become less about winning and losing, and more about collaboration and understanding.

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Thanks for reading! 🤓

Dejan